HOARDING

You ever look at something and think "that just seems out of place"? Kinda like Eminem. Seems out of place, right? I looked at a house today that was out of this world.(not in a good way) Ever see that show "Hoarders"? Notice how they're basically all little shacks that these people live in? I went to a house today that was somewhere around 3500 square feet full of crap! Ladies got over 300 pairs of shoes!!! 300 PAIRS OF SHOES! My lovely spousal unit is a pretty good shoe hoarder herself. Probably has 40 pairs. 300 PAIRS!!! Every one of 'em in a little plastic tub you could see through!

There's a pile of clothes in the bedroom that's almost as high as the sliding glass doors (which are covered with 2 shower curtain liners) and about 8' in diameter. You couldn't get into one of the closets beyond opening the door to peek in. The other had a path through the middle. You could only find one sink in the bathroom because the other had so much crap stacked on it. Did I mention there was no carpet in the master bedroom? 300 frickin pairs!

Now these were the nicest people you would want to meet. One's a medical doctor, the other a book doctor. (not the kind that fixes books. I'm not sure what those people are called. I mean a P.H.D.)(which in this case turns out to stand for Pretty High Dung-pile) What I'm trying to express here is that these people aren't your typical run-of-the-mill hillbillies. These are edumecated types of folks. I'm guessing this is about a $400k house. A Lexus parked in the driveway. I'm not sure what a hoarders house should look like, but I certainly wasn't expecting this!

You know what I hoard? I hoard the genuine good feelings that I get from all my good friends and family! I hoard the smiles that I receive from my children every day! I hoard the comfortable feelings I get from knowing that every day is going to be better than the last! I hoard the knowledge that I alone am in control of my destiny! RIGHT! I don't hoard jack! If I haven't used something in the past year, I don't need it. (and I don't get enough smiles from my kids to consider it hoarding) I understand keeping a couple extra of something "just in case". But seriously people. YOU CAN'T SIT DOWN ON YOUR COUCH!!! This just ain't normal! I have decided in my life that I don't want my stuff to own me, I want to own my stuff.

So if reading any of this makes you uncomfortably glance over your shoulder, perhaps we should do an intervention. THROW IT AWAY! The chance that you'll ever actually use that pair of Leopard print leotards, or the Benjamin Franklin costume from 8th grade history, or even the custom fit bowling ball with the red and blue flames from 1987 is probably pretty slim! Go into your closet and pick up everything that "I'm gonna wear again as soon as I lose the 40 pounds" and throw it away. The velour shirts with the zippers up the front aren't ever coming back! (not that I ever had any of these!) Likewise the Earth shoes, the leisure suit (at least I hope it never comes back), the Bell bottoms with the different colored bell,(what were we thinking?), and for me personally, the hair dryer!

Simplify your life! Get rid of all the old stuff your don't want or need! (NOT your spouses or kids. Apparently the courts call this "abandonment" and force you into doing 240 hours of community service in a kids shelter, as well as giving your spouse all of your stuff and making you stay at least 300 yards away) (or so I'm told)