Ever have one of those days when you wake up and all you want to do is crawl in a hole somewhere? Today was my day. See normally, I'm a pretty lighthearted upbeat kinda guy (contrary to popular opinion). But today, when I rolled out of bed to fix the tax deduction a pop-tart, it felt like there was a concrete truck parked at the curb filling my sinuses with a nice dry mix. Because of this, I was probably a little on the short tempered side. My apologies to the dog with the size 12 print on his butt.

Truth be known, I've probably only missed 5 days in the past 5 years from actually being sick (surgery not included)(although I'm still not totally convinced there was anything wrong with me)(have I mentioned lately that Morphine is a wonder drug?) Today when I called in to my office, the lovely young lady who answered the phone at first didn't know who I was, then when I told her, said "you sound like crap, stay home". Now I know all you people that work in an office with 100 other people don't really find it unusual that the person who answers the phone doesn't recognize your voice. There's currently 5 people in my office. We practically wear each others underwear. That's how I realized that I actually needed to stay home. I knew I felt just like I sounded, and if I sounded that bad, well...

Now I'm no doctor, and I don't even play one on t.v., but I do know that if there is an inordinate amount of yellow, bloody gunk coming out of your nose every time you blow it, this could be the time for some good old-fashioned home remedies. I tried a couple today. One, I boiled a live chicken with some beach shells, 2 frogs, 5 cloves of garlic, 3 sugar cubes and a pair of dirty gym socks. Then I drank a beer. Didn't help. The second, I held my head over the hind-parts of a gassy dog, covering my head with a towel to keep in the yumminess. Once again, no help. (by the way, what do they put in dog food? There has to be some secret formula to make a dogs farts smell like they do! I remember when I was a little kid and we would all be packed in the station wagon, and my dad would try to blame the German Shepherd. Never worked)

Seemed so much easier when we were on the ski slopes. Drink a pint of schnapps for breakfast, and you felt pretty good. Could never figure out if I actually felt bad or if it was the effects of the previous nights shenanigans. (I've always wanted to use that in casual conversation) Apparently it could have possibly been the junk that everybody else was coughing up and hacking about all week that finally caught up to me. Whatever it is, I want it to go away. I don't like feeling bad.

This morning I actually woke up the little one with a "hey bud, time to get up for school". Then I made him scrambled eggs with toast and jelly. Then I had to tell him to hurry and get his teeth brushed so he wouldn't be late. Then I took him and dropped him off for school, telling him to have a great day. This isn't normal. I like to crawl out of bed in the morning and wake the kids up with a bright and shiny "get your ass out of bed. This ain't no hotel. If you want to sleep all day, get a job and pay me rent!" Then I go to work with the same upbeat manner and jump on somebody for making crappy coffee. Then, if everybody's lucky, I 'll find some poor schmuck who can't find his ass with both hands, and humiliate him in front of everybody. Man I miss feeling good!!!