The Rapture...Didn't Happen.

I have a little problem.  I'm still here.  That means one of two things.  Either the Rapture didn't happen as predicted, or I'm a poor excuse for a Christian.  I'm putting my money on "didn't happen", based entirely on the fact that my mom and 9 year old are still here.  I could completely understand if it happened & I was still around.    I mean, I try to lead a good life, but, well, it's me.  My spousal unit and 17 year old are still around too.  No big surprises there!(just kidding of course)

I mean seriously, why wouldn't the 9 year old get to go?  And my mom?  I said "hell" once in her presence and you'd have thought that Grandpa caught a squirrel in the toilet.  Never knew I was such a bad person until that moment.  In all fairness, that was a long time ago, and she's been around me a lot more since I got released...but that's a whole different story.  This is a really good woman we're talking about.  How come she didn't get to go?  I mean, that's just not right.  Wait.  Maybe it didn't happen after all?

And I thought kids got to go, period.  I know he's no angel, but really, he's just a 9 year old.  I can't have screwed him up that bad already.  Right?  Right?  Right?  Who am I kidding.  I am perfectly capable of screwing him up that bad.

Maybe this whole prediction wasn't really about the actual Rapture at all.  Maybe it was all about a revival of the old Blondie song.  Maybe this was some sort of strange alien message about how 70's & 80's music is the  universal language.  Who knows, maybe if we start playing Journey music backwards, we'll be visited by aliens from Neptune.  Sidenote...why is it always Martians when where talking about aliens?  don't ya think they might live on other planets too?

My personal feeling is that this whole thing was started by a bunch of wacko's sitting around drinking bong water one night with a Bible laying on a shelf in the room.  Before you know it, Jethro looks at the clock & it's 5:21.  On the 11th.  And he freaks.  OMG.  It's a sign!

Dang Skippy it's a sign.  It's a sign of what a dumb-ass you are.  And you went and had those big-ass magnets made for the side of your car.  And went on talk shows.  And now everybody in the free world knows what a dumb-ass you are.

So now, here's my prediction for when it's going to happen.   Whenever HE want's it to happen.  So shut up and go to bed.