Did any of you guy's dad's ever warn you about hair issues as you grew older? Mine didn't. I'm not talking about ordinary run of the mill hair issues here. I'm talking about the strange stuff that apparently happens only with age. Lately I've noticed that my hair seems to be thinning on top. I wasn't too concerned about it at first, figured, oh well, I've got plenty where that came from. But now, I'm not so sure. If it keeps falling out the way it has been the last few weeks, it's not gonna take long before the mullet has to be put away forever. I know that I've got a ways to go yet, but there's a chance I might have to start cutting my hair shorter at some point. Get rid of the wings altogether.
My dad had hair issues. As in, he was pretty thin on top. My oldest brother has hair issues. I'm not really sure if my middle brother has hair issues or not. He still has some, so I guess that's a not. Me myself, I happen to have a few hair issues also. Like, I DON'T HAVE ANY. When you're the youngest in the family, I don't think it's really fair to be the baldest. Several years ago, I took pictures of the top of all of the males in the family's head. Dad, significantly older than I. Brother 1, quite a bit older than I. Brother 2, still, quite a bit older than I. And me, young, skinny, healthy, did I say young? Who had the least hair? You got it. It's just not right! I'd like to make a formal complaint.
Now there are other hair issues I need to be concerned with. Hair is coming out in some of the strangest places, and in some weird ways. Their are hairs long enough on my eyebrows now to braid. Thinking about going with dreadlocks on my brows. It's pretty bad when the 9 year old says, "Dad, what's wrong with your eye?". I mean, I'm not Andy Rooney yet, but I think I just ordered the starter kit.
And the ears! What is up with the hair growing out of the ears? I mean, seriously. And it's never cute little blond hairs either. It's always got to be the big ole black, nasty looking things. Why do I need hair on my ears? I mean, I appreciate the gesture of giving me some hair somewhere, but my ears? Maybe I can let them grow long and part them in the middle. Get me a blow dryer again. Buy lots of gel and maybe give myself some ear-mohawks.
My back, you ask? Yep. It's got a couple of nice fuzzy patches growing. The problem with that is that I can't enjoy looking at it cuz it's on my back! Maybe at some point it'll get long enough so I can cut it off & glue it to my head. Make myself a wig. Put those people at Lock's of Love to shame!
But on the flip-side of this, the one area where it's socially acceptable for a man to have a lot of hair is his legs. This has always been an issue for me, but seems to have gotten worse lately. I have the least hairy legs of any white man I've ever known. The 9 year old asked me if I shave them.(not all the time, only when I want to really rock that little black dress) You have to hunt for a hair on my legs.
So what does all this tell us? Not a damn thing. Other than the fact that you may want to give your offspring just a little warning! "Boy, you just remember. Once upon a time I had hair on my head too. And not on my back. Or ears. Or nose." Now excuse me while I go trim my belly hairs.
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