Happy Tax Day!

Hope everybody got to enjoy a nice relaxing tax-day yesterday.  For those of you who live under a rock, yesterday was the day your income tax was due.  The IRS, because they are a kindhearted, fun-minded kind of place, let us have 3 whole extra days to file this year! (look up good sum-bitch in the dictionary & you'll see IRS)  I personally took full advantage of these extra 3 days to dream up a few extra deductions!

First, I claimed my dogs as dependents.  If a dog isn't dependent, seriously, who is?  They depend on you for food, water & entertainment. (If you have a "natural" boy dog, they also depend on your leg to hump)  When was the last time you took a dog to the Vet?  Costs a fortune to keep them buggers healthy! (I claimed my dog's health expenses too)

I also claimed my cats.  (at first I wasn't going to, cuz, seriously, I'm pretty sure my cat's claim me as a dependent)  Cats still need to be fed and watered. (once again, the opposable thumb conundrum) (I just used conundrum in casual conversation)  Just think, if cats ruled the world, we'd be nothing but one big giant hairball. Really, Has anybody ever actually owned a cat?  And mine is trained!  It'll stand on it's hind legs begging for a treat like a dog.  It'll roll over and play dead.  It'll shake your hand, speak, count to three!  Okay, not really.  My cat won't do any of that crap.  Actually, I don't even have a cat.  I'm what you call a "dog person"!  I don't think it's possible to actually own a cat.  The cat owns you.  I'm pretty sure the Vietnam "conflict" was actually caused by a cat who was intent on ruling the world.  Really, who would name their kid "Pol-Pot"?  That had to be a cat.

I also claimed about eleventy million dollars in medical bills.(that parts true) (not the eleventy million part) (just that there was a lot!)  Do you have any idea what it costs to have people cut you open & check out your insides?  Trust me when I say this.  It a LOT!!!  You would think that the least they could do is make me skinny & handsome!  Unfortunately, they just made me one of em! (you pick which!)

I live in the greatest country on earth!  Unfortunately, it has the most backward-ass tax system on the planet.  Fortunately for me, I've been to 14 years of higher education, so I only needed 3 tax "experts" to help me figure it all out!  Fairtax.org!  It's the only way to fly!