When my oldest tax deduction was but a wee lad, he delighted in watching infomercials of really anything. Everytime, it was always the same. "Dad, we've got to get this wart dress-up kit.(or whatever) It's the best one ever invented & it'll bring me hours of stimulating fun time." So as a responsible parent, I would go watch part of the infomercial with him to try to find a proper way of explaining to him the pitfalls of purchasing these products.
We've all seen the ads. The salad chopper that turns an ordinary head of lettuce into a beautiful tossed salad complete with tomatoes, cucumbers, red and green bell-peppers and croutons. Or the fishing rod that launches a lure 200 yards using ordinance only recently returned from Iraq, then enables you to catch a 13 pound bass on 2 pound test line on a rod that also doubles as a drinking straw. Or the always popular device that enables you to cook 5 mini-burgers at once.(WAY more convenient than that old fry-pan or grill) The worlds sharpest knives. Hands-free toothpaste dispensers.(keeps your hands free to scratch yourself) Hair thingy's to make your hair "pouffy".(wonder if it would work for me) Ladders for Lassie. Kitchens for Kittens. A device that turns your favorite can drink into a bottle drink.(really? Aren't those called "bottled drinks"?) The madness goes on & on!
And I love the "extra" offers! Like, if you buy one "of these things you're not sure what to do with & you don't really need anyway" in the next 3 minutes and 18 seconds, we'll throw in the second absolutely free.(just pay shipping & handling charges of $14.95) First, they show this same commercial 187 times every day. 3 minutes and 18 seconds from when? Second, if you've got to pay 15 bucks to have the "free" one shipped, is it really free?
Or how about the add-ons that don't even make any sense? You're buying a set of space-age pots & pans that up until this point, NASA has only authorized for use at the Space Station, but today and today only, you can get this same quality product used by people such as Neil Armstronger and Buzz Aldino, for the low-low price of just $79.99. Or three monthly payments of $39.99. (but wait, if you act now, you only pay 2 payments of $39.99) And if you order in the next 5 minutes, we'll throw in this 14-in-one home screwdriver set. WOW! Gotta have that!
My personal favorite is the "Snuggie". I'm sure we've all seen one by now. Probably the best invention ever! Somebody put sleeves on a blanket! Sleeves on a blanket! How did we survive up until this point in time without a blanket with sleeves? In the commercial, one of the big plusses was the fact that it keeps your hands free. What if your hands are cold? If the rest of your body is cold, isn't there a remote chance your hands would be also?(maybe they should come up with a snuggie with detachable gloves) And if you buy today, they'll throw in the 2nd snuggie for free!(Free at last, free at last...) But wait, there's more! If you act in the next 30 minutes, you'll also get 2 book-lights!(If I act in the next 5 minutes will I get the books too?) Of course, there are also Snuggies in designer colors, Snuggies for your kids, Snuggies for your pets, and conceivably, Snuggies for your tomatoes.(extends the growing season)
Who buys this stuff? When I buy the painting kit that should make me paint a likeness of the Sistine Chapel flawlessly in just under 14 minutes, the Sistine Chapel comes out looking like a Butternut squash that's been left in the sun to dry for 23 days. Sham-Wow's just make me say, WTH! I just spent $20 on shop-towels? Obviously, I'm the only person in the world who doesn't buy these things. If nobody bought them, there wouldn't be entire television stations dedicated to them.
What if I offered my blog like that? If you buy now, I'll throw in another blog entry for free! That's 2 ladies & gentlemen, for the price of 1. That's right. If you like what you're seeing, and who wouldn't, you can order this blog today, and receive the next blog entry ENTIRELY FREE! And, if you read now, I'll throw in shipping and handling charges!
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