Had the opportunity to spend a few days with the youngest tax deduction at a water park recently. A water park is a very educational place. (for those of you who don't know, a water park is NOT a playground with a swingset and teeter-totter that's been recently rained on, but a playground built and designed around getting wet) Did I mention that a water park is an educational place? Well, it is. For instance, I learned that there are absolutely no tattoos that are off limits to some people.

I have nothing against body art, but seriously, do you really want your grandkids one day looking at a tattoo of Frankenstein doing the un-mentionable to his bride? That's right folks, I saw a tattoo on the back of a guy that was Frankenstein getting jiggy with his bride. Although this might have been the lowest of the low, there were a whole bunch vying for second place! I saw a goat's head tattoo! (really? WTH were you thinking?) I saw lots of devil tattoos. I saw lots of cross tattoos. I saw LOTS of bad tattoos! Old tattoos, new tattoos, bad tattoos, good tattoos (there were a few!) (USMC and the tribute to the fallen soldier, gun upside down in combat boots with the helmet hanging on the gun, were a couple of my favorites). Lots of basic black tattoos, and several in full color.

I also learned that the best way to feel better about yourself is to go to a waterpark. Take off your shirt and walk around a while! I promise you, as out of shape as you might be, you've still got a LONG ways to go before you're the worst "in shape". (unless you consider a slightly off center pile of compost a "shape") I mean, people, come on now. If you have to ride the electric scooter to the water park because your so fat, YOU SHOULDN'T BE AT A WATERPARK!!!!!!! I saw more flesh in the last couple of days than Hugh Hefner has in the last twenty years!

Which leads me to piercings. Again, I have no issue with people that want to pierce miscellaneous body parts. Not my cup of tea, but hey, to each their own. But i still don't understand why anybody thinks it would be a good idea to look like a native of some African village! Do you really want to put the 2" gauges in your ears? Sooner or later you're gonna want to take them out, and your earlobes hanging down to your shoulders isn't really a good look! And if you look like a bean-bag chair with a beach ball in it, it's probably not the best idea to get your belly button pierced! (I don't even know if it was her belly button! She might have just said to the guy, just pick a roll and pierce it!) (which leads me to a question I've had for quite a while...If you have a nose piercing and you don't have the ring in, and you sneeze, does snot come out the hole?)

Another thing I learned was that a lot of people really love their 6 month olds and want them to experience waterparks too! Here's a newsflash! If your kid isn't old enough to walk, you're a dumb-ass to take them to a waterpark! Really? You want to put your infant in a life jacket and stick him(or her) in an innertube and let them float around the river thingy with the rapids? You have to be a special kind of idiot to think that's a good idea! And even worse, when the ride attendant tells you that your precious little bundle of joy can't go down the big slide with you, don't go! It's not the time to get 9 degrees of righteous on his ass for doing his job, trying to protect your baby! Use the space between your ears for once and realize that (A)The kid is just doing his job, and (B)You're a dumb-ass for even considering it!

Clearly, there are a lot of twisted, sick, confused, screwed up people out there! It makes me feel better about myself just knowing that I'm not THE MOST twisted sick confused and screwed up person out there!