A sad little tale, from a sad little man...

I have a question. Why don't they have pet plastic surgeons? I mean, who among us doesn't know a cute little beagle who's had one two many batches of puppies. She's got to be feeling a little bit self conscious about her, you know, "condition". You can see it in the way she walks. Not only does she look sad, she steps on her lady parts with every step. Think about it, we could do a little reality show about "Dr. Bob" (not his real name) helping out the poor pets of the world who just need a little help. Imagine Ty Pennington's voice from that "let's build them a new house" show saying, "Pootie has been a great dog, for a long, long time. But she had just gotten to the point where she didn't feel good about herself (cue sappy music here). No puppy needs to feel like this. That's why we're here. We're here to help the Pooties of the World".

Or what about Pet Psychologists? Well, yes indeedy, every pet needs to go see a counselor from time to time. Get a little puppy Prozac. I think there are really such a thing as Pet Psychologists, and I find that a little disturbing. I mean, what the hell does the family pet have to be depressed about? If you've ever seen any of my dogs, you know what I mean! They get fed every day, fresh water, get to lay around on the furniture in the a/c all day, then when ol' Johnny Boy rolls in, they come to me tails a-waggin, smiling, just wanting a little rubbin!

Now what my dogs probably need is a good doggie Dentist! Do a little something about that gingivitis! Breath smells like they just licked an Ass. Oh wait, they did.

Puppy massage therapist maybe? "Hey there, can you work on my Pootie's shoulders please. She's had an issue ever since the surgeon mistook her dog warts for, well, you know, her lady parts. She seems a little stressed out, which reminds me, i need to get her meds refilled".

But in all seriousness, what about the plastic surgeon deal? I had a dog that got his, uh, daddy dog parts stuck in a fence one time. Left a big nasty scar where you don't want a scar. He could have used a little help feeling better about himself. Imagine the looks he must have gotten from all the ladies. He could just hear them talking about "the scar", and wondering if his daddy dog parts still worked. "Dang, if it weren't for this scar, I'd have chicks lined up for miles waiting for me!" Then he died. Probably from a broken heart. A broken heart that could have been repaired. Death, from want of a plastic surgeon.