I discovered something last week. I don't like people. It's not really that I don't like people it's just, well yeah, I don't like people.
I had the distinct honor and privilege to accompany my 18 year old tax deduction to beautiful Lubbock, TX last week where the city motto is "The windiest and possibly dustiest place in the continental United States". I am of course just joking when I say this. El Paso is the windiest and dustiest place in the US.(also the dirtiest and nastiest)
What, you may ask, was the tax deduction wanting to do in Lubbock? What else is there to do in Lubbock but attend an institution of higher learning.(college to my hillbilly friends) That's right, the boy has decided that above all else, he wants to be a Red Raider.(not really above all else)(actually, not even close)(parties and girls would be above all else)(those might be above all else for me too!) God help Texas Tech!
I believe this was the first time that he actually got to experience the "real" Lubbock and college life. We went to get a burger one night and he asked, quite innocently, "what's that smell?". I quickly informed him that logic stated that there are apparently several bovine dining programs nearby, and wherever these are located, there is generally an abundance of nature's best fertilizer, and that he should probably get used to the smell, because the wind blows all the frickin time!
He was also quite concerned the next day that his eyesight was permanently damaged because everything looked red. I, once again, using my superior intellect and logic and reasoning capabilities was able to calm him with the simple words, "don't be a dumb-ass. That's dust in the air. Get used to that too!"
I will interject at this point that the Texas Tech campus is actually quite attractive, and the people, not just at the school, but in the entire city were more than generous and overall fantastic hosts! Especially the people at Chimy's.(if you ever find yourself in Lubbock, head there for a margarita!)
But back to the reason for this little story. People are stupid. I found myself time and time again wanting to strangle people right to the very edge of death, and then bringing them back, just so I could do it again!
People ask the most inane, idiotic questions. If they had bothered reading any of the 984 pages of correspondence they had received from this fine institution, they could have saved themselves some dignity, and not pushed others of us over that fine line between sanity and, oh, let's say homicidal tendencies.
They separated us out by the college discipline that our childrens would be studying to give us a little pep talk and to go over where, exactly the new cars and houses that you won't be buying the next 4 years would be going. So, off I went with the group to the college of Sportsmanship in Competitive Athletics. We sit, we listen to a group of attractive (and unattractive) people talk to us for 2 hours. Then, just when you think your bladder can't take any more, they open it up to questions. Some of the questions were very technical, and needed asking. Others, well, remember the homicidal tendencies line...
Q - Where will they get to park?
A - Wherever they can find a spot. There's 33,000 students on campus and twelve parking spots!
Q - Will taking this class interfere with the band schedule?
A - Who cares, it's band for God's sake.
Q - If they've already taken some of these classes, will they have to take them again?
A - Huh?
Q - What happens if they don't go to class?
A - They fail.
Q - If they don't show up for class, do you call them?
A - Huh? Tell them to buy an alarm clock.
Q - If they don't go to class, do you call us to let us know?
A - People! This is college! Tell your kids to get off their asses and go to class or you're not paying it! No we're not calling you. If you're that pathetic, YOU call them every morning to wake them out of their alcohol induced slumber!
You get the idea. On and on they went. And on. And on. And on. Finally, I just had to leave. How can these people have children smart enough to get into college? If they had just bothered putting away the "mobile communication device" long enough to listen to what the people were telling them, half of their damn questions would have gotten answered.(and I wouldn't have had to dispose of that body)
I did find out one thing about myself. I realized why I was never a good student. When people start talking and asking these idiotic questions, I totally zone out, and all I can think about is how hard I'll have to stab them to actually reach their heart with a ballpoint pen.
There, wasn't that pleasant?
No comments:
Post a Comment