Monday, November 14, 2011

This is what happens when you smoke crack as a youngster kids!

Is there anything that you can't buy online?  I'm driving the other day and see a sign that says "Reefs2u.com".  That was it.  Thinking I was going to find a great deal on flip-flops, I whipped out the smarter than me phone and looked it up.  Turns out they're selling reefs.  Like growing in the ocean, coral kinda reefs.  You can actually buy a living coral reef on-line!  Seeing this, I decided to do a little research.  You could buy an aquarium, all the little rocks & stuff, the scuba diver for the bottom, and all the fish for it online. 

You can buy deer online.  You can buy cows online.  You can buy donkeys online.  Horses, pigs, chickens, ducks, sheep, and goats of all kinds are all available on-line.  I'm not real sure why you would want to stock your barnyard all on-line, but you can all rest comfortably now knowing that you can!

Those are just the farm animals.  You can get alligators on-line!  ALLIGATORS!  Not sure who needs to order alligators on-line.  Guess watching re-runs of Steve Irwin just ain't doin the trick!  You can order snakes on-line! (Oh HELL no!)  Lizards, scorpions, tarantulas, crickets, turtles AND tortoises (didn't know there was a difference) all kinds of frogs, toads, and every kind of newt imaginable.

You can order all kinds of sea-food on-line, and they'll ship it alive if possible!  Steaks, ribs, bar-b-que, jelly, bread, pies, cakes, you name it.  All on-line.

You can buy plants on-line.  Trees!  Real, live, growing trees!  Bushes, shrubs, flowers, bulbs and whatever else your little mind can think of!

I've done the majority of my Christmas shopping on-line for several years, but recently I've kicked it up a notch.  I'm building myself a nice little cabin for us to live in & I've decided that I can probably order the vast majority of the stuff for the cabin on-line.  I bought sinks last week.  This week, I'll probably buy a couple more sinks.  Some light fixtures.  Some wood floor.  Some glass block.  Seems like there's nothing that I can't buy online and save the taxes!

And it's convenient.  I don't have to get all dressed up like I normally do to go to Home Depot.  No khaki pants and denim shirts so I look like I know what I'm doing! (I'd hate to walk around Home Depot in, say, a ratty pair of cargo shorts with a t-shirt that has 23 different colors of paint stains on it, no socks and sneakers, and a cap that says, Texas...love it or kiss my ass.)  I like to dress up a bit, just in case I'm seen by somebody I know!  By doing all my shopping on-line, I can do it butt-assed naked if I want!  Nobody cares! (except the housecleaner, who ran out of the house scratching at her eyes & shouting "I've burned my retinas"!) (Actually that part didn't happen) (Okay, maybe it did happen, but it was the spousal unit, not the housecleaner)

For all of these reasons, I want to offer up a special thank you to Al Gore for inventing the internet! 

(and notice how I didn't make any smart comments connecting the housecleaner to the spousal unit, as in "they're one and the same"!)

Love you dear!!!!!

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