Sometimes, in the privacy of particularly no-where, do you ever just stop to think about "why"? For instance, who was it that made ketchup the go-to condiment for french fries? And why are they called french fries? In England, they're called chips. I don't know what they're called in France. Who was it that originally pulled a potato out of the ground and decided to drop it in hot oil?
I wanna know who first looked at a cow and said, I bet them dangly-downy thingy's sure have some good stuff inside. Bet if we was to pull on 'em, we'd get to have ourselves a party!
I want to know who the first person was that looked at an egg right after the hen laid it and said, by-golly, I bet if we throw that sucker in a frying pan it'll be a dang good source of protein at breakfast. I'm pretty sure if I was the first person to see it come out of a chicken, I wouldn't think about grabbing it & eating it! And what did they do before we had frying pans? (I know in Texas they just dumped it on a rock & it cooked)
Or how about cottage cheese? Seriously. Some mom probably went into little Timmy's bedroom and found a glass of stuff from those dangly-down thingy's that had been sitting there for a couple of weeks and said to herself, "self", she said, "I bet if I put a little salt and pepper on this stuff, it'll be delightful". Turns out she was wrong, but somewhere along the way, she was able to sell it to millions of americans as a healthy diet supplement, write herself a cookbook, get a cooking show, a talk show, and meet with the Prime Minister of Botswana.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that there are these kinds of adventurous souls in the world, coming up with savory goodness for all the rest of us to enjoy. I tried it once myself. I'm still kinda surprised that peanut butter, jelly and onion sandwiches didn't catch on!
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
OUR GOVERNMENT IS A JOKE, BUT I'M NOT LAUGHING!
Well, they're at it again. Our friends in big government seem to think that the appropriate way to keep this country running is to raise the debt ceiling. Hmmmmmm. Yeah, apparently this worked great for the 30% of homeowners who lost their homes over the last few years. I'm betting any of them would tell you that it's not a real smart method of fiduciary responsibility to extend your credit to the point where you can't pay all of your obligations.
I'm willing to make a bet that I can give my 4th grader a short pencil & ask him to figure out the following problem. If I give you $20, how much can you spend? It's really that simple. I don't care if the number is $20, or $20million, or $20 trillion. You can't spend more than you have. I say you can't, but we've been doing a pretty good job of it as a country. We fund research projects to study the length of Komodo Dragons tongues, and to study the circumference of an average Gerbil's left testicle, but then we turn around and threaten to take away money from the very people who made this country great in the first place.
The Democrats in Congress think the way to get us out of this mess is to spend. The Republicans in Congress think the way to get us out of this mess is to spend. It's all a joke. I'm not sure I want a bunch of third world countries laughing at us because we can't pull our heads out of our asses long enough to fix the problem.
I'm as American and patriotic as you'd want. I don't mind paying my fair share of taxes. But the fact of the matter is that I DO pay mine and a couple of other peoples fair share of taxes. I'll be damned if I want to pay more when we're spending TRILLION's on stupid crap. I'm not sure why we need to fund all of the stupid research grants, or the welfare system, or the food stamp system, or any of the other myriad of social programs that teach people not to work, but to suck off the government.
Before any of you get your panties in a wad, let me give you an example. A friend has a daughter. She has 3 kids. Every time she squeezes out another pup, it doesn't cost her a dime. She gets food stamps.(almost $900 per month) She gets WIC (women and infant children). She gets free daycare. Did I mention she's not married?
Another friend has an adult child who needed a bunch of medical tests last year. Hospital bills totaled just shy of $20,000. He didn't pay a dime.
In my household, we had a pretty hectic surgery schedule last year. 4 surgeries in all. Cost my family just shy of $40 grand out of pocket. I'm happy to pay it too! The result would have been disastrous if we hadn't had them.
Guess what? In the first 2 examples, both of these people are unemployed. So what I'm saying is, it's okay to keep getting knocked up and having babies, because government is going to take care of you. You shouldn't have to get a job to support your family. That would be mean! And because of this, we create a society of dependants.
It's no different than the family who gives their kids everything they could possibly want in life without requiring anything out of them. 25 years later, the same parents are wondering why their kids won't get a job and leave home. Would you?
We have got to make a stand against the politics as usual crowd in Washington. I don't give a crap whether you're black, white, brown, green, grey, yellow or purple. Don't give a crap if your straight, gay, bi or tri. I don't give a crap about your educational level, your income level, where you live or the kind of car you drive. You can be a red-neck, a hill-billy, a city dweller, a cave dweller or live in a box. I don't care what you do for a living.
What I do care about is the fact that we are all Americans. And every one of us should be to the point where we wanna go kick some politician ass. I know I am!
I'm willing to make a bet that I can give my 4th grader a short pencil & ask him to figure out the following problem. If I give you $20, how much can you spend? It's really that simple. I don't care if the number is $20, or $20million, or $20 trillion. You can't spend more than you have. I say you can't, but we've been doing a pretty good job of it as a country. We fund research projects to study the length of Komodo Dragons tongues, and to study the circumference of an average Gerbil's left testicle, but then we turn around and threaten to take away money from the very people who made this country great in the first place.
The Democrats in Congress think the way to get us out of this mess is to spend. The Republicans in Congress think the way to get us out of this mess is to spend. It's all a joke. I'm not sure I want a bunch of third world countries laughing at us because we can't pull our heads out of our asses long enough to fix the problem.
I'm as American and patriotic as you'd want. I don't mind paying my fair share of taxes. But the fact of the matter is that I DO pay mine and a couple of other peoples fair share of taxes. I'll be damned if I want to pay more when we're spending TRILLION's on stupid crap. I'm not sure why we need to fund all of the stupid research grants, or the welfare system, or the food stamp system, or any of the other myriad of social programs that teach people not to work, but to suck off the government.
Before any of you get your panties in a wad, let me give you an example. A friend has a daughter. She has 3 kids. Every time she squeezes out another pup, it doesn't cost her a dime. She gets food stamps.(almost $900 per month) She gets WIC (women and infant children). She gets free daycare. Did I mention she's not married?
Another friend has an adult child who needed a bunch of medical tests last year. Hospital bills totaled just shy of $20,000. He didn't pay a dime.
In my household, we had a pretty hectic surgery schedule last year. 4 surgeries in all. Cost my family just shy of $40 grand out of pocket. I'm happy to pay it too! The result would have been disastrous if we hadn't had them.
Guess what? In the first 2 examples, both of these people are unemployed. So what I'm saying is, it's okay to keep getting knocked up and having babies, because government is going to take care of you. You shouldn't have to get a job to support your family. That would be mean! And because of this, we create a society of dependants.
It's no different than the family who gives their kids everything they could possibly want in life without requiring anything out of them. 25 years later, the same parents are wondering why their kids won't get a job and leave home. Would you?
We have got to make a stand against the politics as usual crowd in Washington. I don't give a crap whether you're black, white, brown, green, grey, yellow or purple. Don't give a crap if your straight, gay, bi or tri. I don't give a crap about your educational level, your income level, where you live or the kind of car you drive. You can be a red-neck, a hill-billy, a city dweller, a cave dweller or live in a box. I don't care what you do for a living.
What I do care about is the fact that we are all Americans. And every one of us should be to the point where we wanna go kick some politician ass. I know I am!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
NOW I'M NO DOCTOR, BUT.....
While I was sitting on the overstuffed leather sofa last night watching a group of guys trying to trackdown Bigfoot (yes, as in, "she's a Bigfoot Gus") when a commercial came on. Now, I know that they run commercials fairly regularly, and I can't even remember what it was for, but I do know that whatever it is, I don't want any.
"Possible side effects may include: loss of appetite (maybe I do want some), shortness of breath, inflamed nostrils, splotchy skin, nausea, diarrhea, itching skin, hives, loss of hair (maybe i've already taken it), blurred vision, memory loss, slurred speech, cramps, hacking cough, blood in urine, tender nipples, loose stools, belly button lint, ear hair, tongue hair, toe fungus, anal irritability, migraines, night sweats, bed-wetting,a constant tik that makes you snap your fingers every 4.3 seconds, lip-licking, and finger-biting. People that have taken this medicine have reported violent mood swings, and the uncontrollable urge to beat the crap out of someone.
Talk to your doctor before taking this medicine if you are on heart medication, or if you have high blood sugar. Ask your doctor if you are healthy enough for sex (I like my doctor and everything, but he's really not my type). If you experience any of these conditions, please stop taking this medicine and contact your doctor (before or after the sex?)."
So, why would I take any of this medicine? Invariably, it's always for some anti-depresant. Hmmmmmm. Would I rather be depressed or have tender nipples? I have uncontrollable urges to beat the crap out of some people already, not sure I want to add to the homicidal tendencies. If a drug needs a full 60 second commercial to explain all the possible side effects, why would you want to take it? Can the symptoms possibly be any worse than anal irritability? I'm not even sure what that means. If I was an anal, I'd damn sure be irritated!(explains a few things about my personality)
"Possible side effects may include: loss of appetite (maybe I do want some), shortness of breath, inflamed nostrils, splotchy skin, nausea, diarrhea, itching skin, hives, loss of hair (maybe i've already taken it), blurred vision, memory loss, slurred speech, cramps, hacking cough, blood in urine, tender nipples, loose stools, belly button lint, ear hair, tongue hair, toe fungus, anal irritability, migraines, night sweats, bed-wetting,a constant tik that makes you snap your fingers every 4.3 seconds, lip-licking, and finger-biting. People that have taken this medicine have reported violent mood swings, and the uncontrollable urge to beat the crap out of someone.
Talk to your doctor before taking this medicine if you are on heart medication, or if you have high blood sugar. Ask your doctor if you are healthy enough for sex (I like my doctor and everything, but he's really not my type). If you experience any of these conditions, please stop taking this medicine and contact your doctor (before or after the sex?)."
So, why would I take any of this medicine? Invariably, it's always for some anti-depresant. Hmmmmmm. Would I rather be depressed or have tender nipples? I have uncontrollable urges to beat the crap out of some people already, not sure I want to add to the homicidal tendencies. If a drug needs a full 60 second commercial to explain all the possible side effects, why would you want to take it? Can the symptoms possibly be any worse than anal irritability? I'm not even sure what that means. If I was an anal, I'd damn sure be irritated!(explains a few things about my personality)
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