Research Studies

I heard an ad on my way to work this morning that gave me pause!  (that just sounds wierd.  "gave me pause"? Not really even sure what it means.)  What I heard was an ad asking for volunteers for a research study on birth control patches!  Now, as I think we have determined before this, I'm not a rocket scientist, but still...this has to be the WORST idea for a research study EVER!!!  What if it really doesn't work?  What if you happen to be part of the test group that gets fed the placebo?  Can't you just hear the conversation now:  "Mommy, how was I made?"  "Well Skippy, once upon a time, mommy had a really bad meth habit, and she needed some money for a fix.  I heard this commercial and it seemed like a REALLY easy way to make a quick buck..."

And while we're on the subject, (kinda) when your kid is playing youth sports, the coaches are, for the most part volunteers.  I always love it when on the first day of practice, the lady drops off little 4 year old Thomas (or Hector, or LaShawn, or Abdul, or Bai Ling) comes up to you, a total stranger and says "I need to go run an errand, I'll pick up Thomas (or Hector, or LaShawn, or Abdul, or Bai Ling) in an hour."  Then she proceeds to go get into the big Mercedes and drive off without even leaving the poor kid a drink.  Here's a newsflash.  I might be a raging pedophile posing as a coach.  I might be a mean s.o.b. that has absolutely no business being within 200 yards of a pit-bull, much less your kid.  I might just be a nice-normal guy who's trying to do something nice and doesn't really want the added responsibility of taking care of your kid. 

And it's always the kid who's dad has spent exactly 11 minutes of his life actually being a father.  You know the ones.  The kid doesn't know how to throw, or catch, or run.  And then it's always the dad who shows up game day and gets in your face because their kid didn't get as much playing time as the other kids, or didn't get to play infield, etc.  Stop spending all your time at the deer lease with your buddies.  Or the bar.  Or the office.  Get your ass up off the couch.  The Friends re-runs aren't really all that exciting.  Get your kid, go out into your yard, and throw the ball.  He might not be good at first.  I guarantee you he's not ever going to be good if you don't spend a little time hanging out with him.  Get your priorities straight.

The Healing Power of Love

Okay, I know it's a lame title, just had to do it!  Why do people always assume that just because you had a little surgery, you're now an invalid?  "Shouldn't you be in bed?" is my personal favorite, followed closely by "do you need to sit down?"  Obviously you don't know me, because if I needed to sit down, I would.  It amazes me that people think the only way you can heal is if you're flat on your back in bed.  I've been taking it easy, but after about 3 days of laying in bed, I was pretty much done with that whole idea!  I'm not big on sleep anyway, and staying still was driving me over the edge!  I know that everybody is different, but I'm a firm believer that your mind can overcome anything, and if you give in to illness, you've thrown in the towel.  Fight through it all you can, and you won't feel nearly as miserable! 

ATTITUDE IS CONTAGIOUS!!!

On a different note, where do you think they find the people who stand on street corners and act like human billboards?  Very effective!  I know that if I'm driving by and I see somebody shaking a big-ass arrow pointing to a neighborhood of brand new houses that all look alike, the arrow is much more likely to push me over the edge and convince me to buy!  Same holds true for the guy dressed up like the Statue of Liberty.  Even if I WAS looking for somebody to do my taxes, do you really think I'm going to trust some guy wearing a dress and holding a fake torch?  If only the fire was real.......

Question of the day...if you could be anything in the world, what would you be? 

I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up.  I'm going back and forth between a nuclear physicist or a day laborer.  Can't decide.

Sometimes, late at night, when my mind goes blank

Been a While...

Just got on here for the first time in a long time.  I had the opportunity to lounge around and not do a damn thing for the past week and a half, so I did it with gusto! 

What I did learn during this time is that any time a doctor with a really sharp knife comes to see you the outcome is almost always gonna be pain. 

Seems like I had what the professionals like to call a "bowel obstruction".  Most people I've talked to have just told me this proves I'm full of crap!  A word to the wise, if you're wanting to have a little surgery, maybe get yourself a nice little scar to impress the ladies, stick with something like a torn ACL or maybe even a torn rotator cuff.  You have no idea what a pain in the ass it is to have a 6" cut in your belly!  Put the physical pain aside.  I'm not a real wispy little fellow, and when I don't get to eat or drink anything (and we're talking water, don't even get me started about beer) for 30 hours, I get a little cranky!  I work hard to maintain my girlish figure, and losing 10 pounds in a week is going to be tough to recover from.  Might take me up to 3 weeks to put that back on!  When I finally got to have a cup of chicken broth, man you would of thought I was at Ruth's Chris eating a rib-eye!

Funny how when you're in the hospital, every time somebody comes through the door, just before they leave, they all say "try to get some rest".  How about stay the hell out of the room for more than 45 minutes and maybe I CAN get some damn rest!  Jeesh. Seriously.  How many times a day do you really need my temperature and blood pressure?  And perhaps this would be a good time to talk to all the nursing professionals and medical techs who work nights in a hospital.  When you come in, learn to maybe use a little flashlight, or maybe even plug-in a night-lite that you can turn on.  Nothing says "get some rest" better than 9 million lumens of flourescent light in your eyes!

All in all, I couldn't have asked for better care!  Better-looking care maybe....but then I probably wouldn't have wanted to leave!